Communication between individuals can be challenging to say the least ( especially between men and women). The point of communication is you are attempting to get a message, whatever that may be, to the other person. In other words, you have a Transmitter and a Receiver. Unlike electronic messages where you get an “ERROR” flag, there is no such flags in human communication. That message can break down at any point–on either end, the transmitter or receiver. Most people believe themselves to be effective communicators, saying what they mean, meaning what they say. Really? Ever said or heard, ” That’s not what I meant”, ” you don’t understand”, “Are you listening”? When two people head down the path to an argument that results in raised voices– to screaming, the reason that voices begin to rise in the first place is due to a feeling you are not being heard. The reason that parents yell at their children is that they feel they are not being heard, their children are not listening.
So if we are speaking clearly, and both speak the same language, how can the other person misunderstand? Simply speaking …it’s not so simple. Communication is more complex than the words we use. It includes content, context, tone, inflection, all of the non-verbal facets, as well as the listener’s preferences and past experiences which will inevitably influence how it is received, i.e., heard.
Communication may be difficult in any relationship but most challenging are for couples who have been together for a length of time; the longer, the more challenging. Why?? Assumptions. Assumptions are created from familiarity and a more relaxed, less attentive approach. A taken for granted, you know what I mean, you know what I’m saying style. I would encourage couples with the celebration of each anniversary to renew their commitment to attentive communication.
